Tearing down walls

I heard this song by Starfield the other day, and the lyrics resonated with what God has been teaching me.  To avoid being uncomfortable, I tend to put on different “faces".  This past semester was very difficult, and I found myself withdrawing from others.  Instead of being vulnerable and reaching out for help, I tried to remain in control and put on a “face” that I was okay.  

It is my desire to fully surrender my life to God, but it’s a scary thing.  Just when I think I’ve given Him everything, there’s something else He puts on my heart to surrender.   I’ve realized I use my shyness as a way to keep others at a distance.  It’s my way to remain safe and avoid being hurt.  God calls us to love others and my tendency to withdraw from people is preventing me from doing this.  I've been learning that I need community with other believers-  I can't do this on my own.  Although it will be difficult to tear down this wall I’ve put up for years, it will be necessary so I can fully serve and love others, and live the life He desires for me.

"Shipwreck"

I built a fortress
With a hundred thousand faces
I'll keep it safe
With a hundred thousand more
But these masks are wearing thin
As You draw me in

I spent my time
On the empty and the fleeting
I spent my life
On much less than I'd dreamed
But I'm reaching out to you
To make me new

'Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
I come empty handed
Ready to see
Your life in me changing who I've been
To who I need to be

You tell me my story
As You sift between the pages
I feel redemption
In the space between each turn

Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more
Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more