I have wanted to write a blog entry since I’ve returned to the U.S, but I’ve lacked the motivation to do so. Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to process my time in Africa and have realized how difficult it is to put my experience into words. Words don’t do justice to what I experienced. I can’t describe how freeing it is to worship God with singing and dancing (although not very well :) ) during church, and not worry about what others think; or how humbling it is to be loved and served by others who have less than I do. It was a wonderful experience and I hope to go back someday! Although it is difficult to express what I experienced in Gabon, I want to share what God has been teaching me and how He has been challenging me to follow and serve Him.
We tend to measure our significance by what we do. However, God uses a different scale. Our worth as a child of God is not measured by our accomplishments- even if we accomplish great things for Him. Instead, He sometimes calls us to simply “be”. This concept of “being” verses “doing” was near and dear to me during my time in Africa. My health held me back from participating and serving as much as I wanted to. There was very little I could offer when I lacked the energy to do anything. I did a lot of “being” in Africa, and it taught me a lot about myself and what God desires of us. I wrestled with Him a lot during that time, asking why He would allow me to be sick. There was a lot I wanted to experience and accomplish in Africa, but I was unable to do most of it. Although it was difficult for me to stay back at the house while the team was serving, I was able to spend a lot of time with God- in prayer and worship. I gained a greater appreciation of the beauty and peace that comes with spending time with our Savior- without the distraction and worry of meeting everyday expectations. Spending time with Him is never a waste of time in His eyes- even if that time could be spent doing good things.
The concept of “being” is seen in the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42.
“Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" .
Jesus does not want us to be busy and distracted by tasks. Instead, we need to focus on loving God and being a disciple for Christ. I’m not saying that He wants us to sit around and do nothing. There are things He wants us to accomplish. He just doesn’t want these things to distract us from what’s important- relationships with other people and bringing glory to Him. It is easy for me to get distracted by my to-do list, as Martha did in the passage. I tend to get caught up in the task itself, and forget that we should be doing everything for one reason- to glorify God. God has been teaching me the importance of putting my to-do list aside, and following Him with all my heart.
Although it is still difficult for me to understand God’s purpose for me being sick in Gabon, I do understand that He knows what is best for me. Sometimes we need a wake-up call- and my wake-up call was being sick. He was able to teach me a lot in my weakness. Instead of questioning His motives and demanding a reason for why things happen, I need to put the entirety of my trust in Him.
